Funny jokes about cats

They say the only people who don't like cats are those who haven't met their cat yet, but cat jokes are sure to please everyone. The popularity of furry pets is growing not only in real life but also online. The internet is full of jokes and demotivational images featuring these cute and mysterious animals.

Considering how funny and capricious cats can be, it's no wonder the collection of funny jokes is constantly updated and growing. Trying to understand what a cat is thinking is futile; its behavior only fuels interest in its purring friends, giving rise to new jokes.

Content

1 Jokes about cats and their obligations
2 Funny jokes about cats and humans
3 Cat jokes, if animals could talk...
4 Another funny joke about cats

Jokes about cats and their obligations

10 principles of a real cat:

a real cat looks after its owner's health, helping the person to stay in good shape, encouraging him to constantly move around the house, and bending down so that he can pick up pencils, candy wrappers, socks, etc.;
When caring for its owner, a cat must regularly inspect the refrigerator, especially if the owner resists or obstructs. This means the owner is hiding something there, and it's the job of a real cat to investigate it and, if possible, eliminate it.
in the evenings, the cat is tasked with helping the person make the bed, carefully checking that no foreign objects have gotten into the bed;
Even after checking, a real cat is required to check repeatedly throughout the night to make sure that no snake has crawled under the person's blanket;
the cat must remember that human sleep is just a stupid waste of time, and therefore, when it sees its sleeping owner, it must not forget to climb on his chest or start getting tangled up in his legs in order to wake him up;
If a person stubbornly continues to sleep, a real cat should be ready to drive away bad dreams; when it sees its owner tossing and turning in bed, it would be good to jump on his face, lie down on his head, as a rule, the person wakes up, and bad dreams recede;
the cat should know why the cabinet doors are open or the chest of drawers are open, sniff the contents, and attract the person to an answer with a long meow;
To amuse the owner, the real cat sings songs, sad songs are also performed;
a cat is supposed to carve out a portion of what a person has for himself - to put a good portion of the food from the bowl on the floor and to give his fluff and fur to insulate his owner's clothes;
And finally, during the day, the cat should get enough sleep for the person. For his relatives. For friends. For colleagues. And for everyone put together.

If you're the proud owner of a furry pet, and it has at least half of the above characteristics, congratulations, your cat is real!

Funny jokes about cats and humans

These funny jokes about the relationship between people and cats will amuse all owners of these cats, and will bring a smile to those who haven't yet acquired their own four-legged friend:

— I had to get a cat the other day.
- Why?
— The wife is afraid of mice.
— Where did you get mice?!
-So I quietly brought...
- For what?!
— I've always wanted to get a cat...
— What do you think our cat is rattling about in the kitchen?
— Did you feed her?
- No.
- So, he’s cooking something.

Cats deserve respect. I moved my Muska to a strange city and "forgot" her at the train station, without money, without food. And she came home. She didn't make a fuss, didn't call names, and didn't report her to the police. Unlike my mother-in-law...
On the rare occasions when my cat comes to me and wants to get some affection, I retreat, hiding behind the sofa, let him know what it’s like.
I witnessed a woman talking to a cat stuck in a tree. Her last sentence was absolutely mind-blowing:
— If that's the case, don't yell! Build a nest already and go to bed!!!
First of all, the happy new settlers brought a cat into the house, but the cat closed the door, changed the lock, lived alone for years, and threatened the peephole with an axe.
An American, a Russian, and a German once started arguing about who would be able to feed a cat mustard.
The German caught the animal and shoved mustard straight into its mouth.
"Violence!" the Russian and the American protested.
The American puts the seasoning between the mugs of Doctor's tea, the cat swallows it.
"Deception!" the Russian and German were indignant.
A Russian grabs a cat and drips mustard under its tail.
The cat hisses, howls and immediately begins to wash itself.
“And that’s it,” the Russian grinned, “with enthusiasm and song!”
Recently, I deftly grabbed a mosquito in my hand after a cat had been chasing it for a good hour, displaying its prey, and opened my fist right in front of its nose. I think for the first time, respect appeared in its eyes…
Olga Sergeevna chewed Whiskas and peeled off the wallpaper in the hallway, but her husband still called her a hippopotamus, not a cat...
Just don't lie that you've never held your beloved cat up to a mirror and then explained to him that it was him in the reflection. Everyone's done it.
Couldn't there be a more modest name for cat food? Why does my cat eat "Delicate goose liver pâté with pineapple chunks," while I eat sausage sandwiches?

Cats and kittens have a way of lifting your spirits and making you smile with their antics. Even just looking at funny photos or reading cat jokes can give you a boost of fun and positivity.

Cat jokes, if animals could talk...

In our attempts to understand the enigmatic nature of cats, how helpful it would be if they could speak our language! Unfortunately, communication with these little pets occurs without words, which doesn't stop them from being humanized in countless jokes. Jokes told by cats and other animals evoke even more laughter and a desire to read them.

A troll and a cat met. The furry one was surprised:
- Who are you?
"I'm a troll. I do bad things to people. I make a mess everywhere, break things, cause trouble at night, and keep people awake. And who are you?"
The cat thought...
— Perhaps I am a troll too...

A man and a cat are sitting on the porch.
“Oh,” the man sighs, “my wife gave birth to triplets yesterday…”
“Don’t panic,” the cat replies, “you’ll give it out.”

A cat goes to the other world and appears before the Almighty. He asks:
— I hope you'll feel comfortable and cozy here. What would you like to ask for?
"Oh, God," the cat meowed, "I've spent my whole life running around like crazy, stealing food and hunting mice. I wish I didn't have to repeat all that here."
“I heard you,” said God and gave the cat a soft bed and plenty of food.
After some time, a dozen mice end up in heaven.
"I hope you'll find it comfortable and cozy here. Ask what you dream about," said the God who greeted them.
"Oh my God, all we've done our whole lives is snatch crumbs and escape from cats. We don't want to run anymore!"
“I heard,” God said and gave each of them a skateboard.
A couple of days later God comes to the cat:
— Do you like it here?
"You bet!" the cat purred. "I'm delighted with the bed, the toys, the food here is excellent, and that snack on wheels is top notch!"

A cat and a cat are playing blind man's buff:
- If you can find and catch me, I'm yours... and if not, then I'm sitting quietly behind the curtain!

An old, seasoned programmer's cat came out onto the balcony, looked at the cats walking in the yard, and said:
— So a new generation has grown up who haven't had the chance to experience the full delight of warm monitors...

There once was a cat, so intelligent and understanding that he barely spoke human language. And his owner would lament every day:
- Kitty, you're such a smart girl, just say something! Why don't you keep quiet?
One day they were sitting at the table, and the hostess kept saying the same thing: "Kitty, if only you'd say a word." The cat thought for a moment and said:
— The ceiling will collapse soon!
The hostess is shocked, sitting there with her eyes wide open – and then a piece of plaster falls on her head.
“So what?” the cat sighed grumpily. “It’s always ‘kitty, talk, yes, kitty, talk’… But when I talk, she doesn’t listen.”

Cat principle number one: if you wake up by accident, eat!
Cat principle number two: sleep lightly!

The cat's thoughts:
"You all envy us cats, but you think we have it easy? Just try licking a fur hat for half a day!"

An effective method for bathing a cat:
Clean thoroughly toilet.
Lift the lid and pour in the shampoo.
Find the cat and, calming it down, bring it to the toilet.
With a sharp movement, place the cat in the toilet, close the lid and sit on top.
The cat will whip up soap suds.
Press the flush button several times in a row to ensure a thorough rinse.
You will need an assistant to open the toilet door, and you are advised to run as far as possible, throwing back the toilet lid along the way.
The cleanest cat will jump out of the toilet and dry itself in the open air.
If you have any questions, please ask and I'll answer. Sincerely, yours always, Dog!

The cat caught a mouse and asked:
— Do you want to live?
A mouse with scared eyes:
- With whom?
- Ugh, you lost thing... I've almost lost my appetite!

Cats are a wonder in themselves, and talking cats are doubly so. However, anything is possible in cat jokes and anecdotes, making them all the more enjoyable to read and enjoy!

Another funny joke about cats

Why is a cat better than a wife?

The cat rejoices when you return home. Moreover, the later you come home, the happier she is (this won't work with your wife).
A cat is always content with its fur coat and does not demand another, even if the neighbor's cat has a fluffier and more beautiful one.
You can always pet and cuddle a cat. Conversely, if you're not in the mood, you don't have to. Finally, a cat won't say a word if you try to pet another cat.
A cat is a worthy listener, but she doesn't demand it of you. She never burdens you with advice, which she believes is filled with life's wisdom and insight into the human soul.
You don't know her mother and other relatives, you don't need to visit them.
Your cat doesn't spend all her time on the couch watching TV shows or discussing you with her friends on the phone. You don't need to take her on vacation; she genuinely enjoys being home, and she doesn't blame you for stealing the best years of her life.
You don't care where your cat got her kittens from.

Internet cats are winning more and more hearts of fans, sometimes touching us with just their appearance, and funny fictional or real happened stories contribute to the growth of popularity. And finally, one more joke for those who like to surf the Internet: